TABLE OF CONTENTS
I. INTRODUCTION
II. ALL OTHER ERAS WILL BE CONSIDERED
III. JUST NOT 80’s MUSIC
—[A] NEW WAVE
—[B] PUNK ROCK
—[C] HAIR METAL ( THE BEGINNING )
—[D] OFFICIAL 1980’s
—[F] THE COSTUME BAND
IV. INVASION OF THE BODY SNATCHERS—EVEN SOME 70’s BANDS GOT INFECTED WITH THE 80’s DISEASE
V. NO GUITAR-ONLY GARAGE BANDS
VI. CONCLUSION
I. INTRODUCTION
The main reason I decided to write this TWO-part blog was because on two separate occasions, when the bands I played in were informed, in advance, that I did not want to perform any 80’s music, they somehow found a way to do exactly that anyway—and both times I deliberately “ruined” the performance.
The first time was just a rehearsal, and the second was an actual public performance.
1. The Rehearsal
One guitarist, Zach, said that, he, too, was not fond of 80’s music.
He could’ve fooled me.
At our second rehearsal, about four or five songs into the set, he said, “Alright, let’s do, Queen’s ‘Crazy Little Thing Called Love ‘ “, and I immediately said, “That’s 80’s music, dude.”, to which he replied, “No, it isn’t! Came out in the seventies, like…seventy-eight, or seventy-nine.”
“Yeah, that is eighties music!” I countered, “just because it came out only weeks or months, or even two years before the eighties officially started, doesn’t mean it didn’t have that eighties sound! I’m NOT talking about songs that were officially stamped ‘released in the eighties’, or whatever; I’m talking about music that has that eighties sound; that sound that people who otherwise like eighties music will say ‘it fits right in’ with the mix. I mean, if you played Jefferson Airplane’s ‘White Rabbit’, or Pink Floyd’s ‘Shine On You Crazy Diamond’, that’s immediately going to be deemed non-eighties; but ‘A Crazy Little Thing Called Love?’ That’s very eighties-ish! Fits right in!”
My remarks really seemed to sour the moment. There were other “non-eighties” 80’s music in his collection of CD’s—and I didn’t want to do any of them!
To this day, I still don’t think he understands what I meant by “80’s music”.
It’s NOT a “time stamp”; it’s an era of music or attitude of how to write music—an attitude I can not take seriously.
It’s like being asked to consider Sesame Street a show meant strictly for adults, when the exact opposite is obviously true—it’s meant for young children, and yet, you’re supposed to pretend that you still believe it’s an adult show.
I just can’t fake it, that “I believe”, because I don’t, and I never will; nor will I consider 80’s music “adult” music, when it was meant for 9-year-olds.
That is way too young a target audience to shoot for.
I prefer young adults who think maturely about compositions—and wearing flower pots on one’s head while singing, “Whip it good” is not my idea of adult material.
2. The Gig at Tailgaters in Oak Lawn, Illinois.
In another incident, halfway through a set, a singer who I didn’t really know, ( but who invited me to sit in for a guitarist who was not present), introduced the next song as the Romantics, “What I Like About You”, and when I heard that title, I was pissed , and I leaned over to the rhythm guitarist’s ear and shouted over the din of the bar noise, “This is your song. I don’t play shit like this.” and I turned my guitar’s volume down to an inaudible level and just pretended to play along.
Needless to say, the lead singer, cut the set short, and went to the bathroom, while we all went outside to go smoke (since Illinois prohibits indoor smoking, everyone goes outside to puff), and a few minutes later, the lead singer came outside to smoke, too, but instead of hanging out on the drivers side of my van, while I talked to three other people, he decided to go talk to another guitarist on the passenger side of my van.
While I was talking to my little group, I was completely unaware that the singer was now outside, too, and I ragged on and on about how new wave, punk rock and 80’s music, as a whole, sucked the biggest donkey dick, and he heard every word!
“You know what gets me?” I said to the bass player, “If this was nineteen eighty five, or whatever, and you used the term ‘Classic Rock’, the bands that were popular then— eighties bands—went out of their way to be identified as not being ‘classic rock’ . They’d feel insulted, and say, ‘We’re not classic rock! That’s dinosaur music! We’re the Talking Heads, or we’re the Sex Pistols. We’re punk or new wave or metal or, whatever, but we’re not classic rock! Yuck!’ BUT…nowadays, when The Drive on the radio says ‘ Home of Classic Rock’ , what do they play? Right. Bands from the eighties—Talking Heads, the Romantics, the very bands that HATED what we called Classic Rock back then. ‘Zeppelin? Beatles? Yuck!’ So, to radio stations, Classic Rock is not a ‘style‘ of music, it’s an age; if it’s old, it’s ‘Classic Rock’. It makes me puke when I hear people use that fucked up logic. Really pisses me off. And then they play Talking Heads? Devo? B-Fifty Twos? The Romantics? The Ramones? I mean, absolute garbage music…!”
Having heard enough “through the grapevine”, so to speak, the singer, walked over to our crowd (with the other guitarist in tow), looked right at me, squinted like he was “Clint Eastwood” or something, took his last drag, threw the cigarette on the ground, stomped it out, and walked away from me without saying a word.
In other words, the other guy was going to finish the set.
“Whew! No more eighties music to deal with.” I thought contently, realizing that not getting invited to finish an eighties set, was WAY MORE “dodging a bullet” than being “punished”.
The point is : people get alienated when I unleash my hostility on the subject of 80’s music.
There’s a simple fix to that : don’t invite me to play it, and you won’t hear me insult it. It’s not complicated.
The LESSON :
Classic Rock does NOT include 80’s music where I’m concerned.
If anyone needs a more-detailed definition of what I consider to be 80’s music, this post will answer that question.
II. ALL OTHER ERAS WILL BE CONSIDERED
If I could travel in a time machine, and go as far back as thousands of years into the past, and listen to the music of various cultures, I’m pretty confident that I’d find bits and pieces of music from all eras that I’d probably be agreeable to emulating in my own band in modern day times.
The use of unorthodox scales as used by such geniuses as Robert Fripp, Jimmy Page, and Ritchie Blackmore, has always intrigued me to the point that I wanted to emulate their musical M.O.s.
If I went back to the year, say, a random number like 3532 B.C., and I could go see “Gunther and the Cavemen” at Bedrock Stadium, I’d probably be fascinated by either their “idea” of percussion, or maybe their use of a primitive flute-like instrument.
Each era I visited would undoubtedly cause me to turn my attention toward the music and listen to particular aspects looking for inspiration in writing new music.
III. JUST NOT 80’s MUSIC
But there is one particular era of music that I find almost “offensively” stupid, and that is, what I refer to as “80’s music” by which I mean music made popular between 1978 and 1989—that is, all of the 1980’s plus the last two years of the 1970’s : 1978 and 1979.
Why ’78 and ’79?
Those were the years where : [A] new wave; [B] punk rock; and the birth of [C] hair metal were “born” on the commercial radio waves-=–and no I don’t consider Led Zeppelin or Deep Purple “heavy metal”, but rather hard rock.
In fact, I think calling Zeppelin or Purple “heavy metal” is an insult—and an undeserved one at that.
[A] New Wave
My first exposure was to new wave, when my friend’s (Jimmy) younger brother (Bobby), and his friend (Davey) were raving about some new band that was “awesome”, and they invited us over to Davey’s house to go check them out.
We went. Oh, how I wish I hadn’t tagged along. That sucked!
We walked into the rec room at Davey’s house, and he put the needle on the record, and then next thing I know, I’m listening to stupidest music of all time!
“You can Whip it! Whip it Good!”
“What the fuck is this shit?!” I’m thinking silently to myself, not wanting to be rude, but, man, listening to garbage like that made it difficult to resist walking out, which I soon did—pretending that I “suddenly remembered” an errand I had to take care of.
Walking out that door was literally, a breath of fresh air!
When Davey asked me a few days later, what I thought of the band, I had to be honest—but cordial— in my assessment of that “music”.
I told him , “not my cup of tea, Davey.”
“Seriously?” he asked as though it was a clinical “fact” that the music was good. “You didn’t like ’em?”
“Seriously? You did?” I wanted so bad to say to him, but I found a way to escape that conversation, too, and I made it a point from that day on to avoid Davey like the plague.
Nice dude, but I don’t want to talk about music with him…or worse, actually listen to it!
I was in high school, so there were lots of kids talking about this new music, which, according to the tone of their conversations, was very much to their liking.
95 percent of those bands had the same formula in their band names : “The” plus a NOUN—The B-52’s, The Shoes, The Tubes, and The Talking Heads.
Yes, I’m fully cognizant of the fact that 60’s and 70’s bands also had “the” bands : The Beatles; The Who; The Rolling Stones etc.
But they were more than “a cut above” the 80’s bands in my book.
If the word “The” had been followed by a more laid back name like The “Marshall Tucker Band,” or The “Steve Miller Band”, I would’ve thought that was normal, But, the “Objects”? Yuck!
There was something so “fabricated” (for lack of a better term) not only about their music, but their bands’ very personas.
Even bands that didn’t follow that format sucked : Duran Duran; Rick Astley; U2…
I don’t want to be reminded.
If I didn’t like listening to their music, why in the world would I want to spend any time elaborating on them?
Next anomaly.
[B] Punk Rock
Even worse than new wave (and I didn’t think that was possible at first–boy, was I wrong!) was Punk Rock!
More “The” bands….
“The Sex Pistols” (what absolute GARBAGE!); “The Clash“; “The Ramones“; “The Romantics“—ad nauseum!
Listening to that shit was like having the “bed spins” when you’ve had too much to drink : you’re praying to your god to be removed from the misery!
“I’ll do anything! Just make it stop! Please! I’ll convert…!”
That night on stage at Tailgaters really demonstrated my discomfort with that “art form”.
[C] Hair Metal ( The Beginning )
Some Hair metal was the only genre of those three that actually took talent : the musicians were no ‘slouches”; they were accomplished in the realm of technique, (guitarists could shred; drummers mastered double kick drums; vocalists had pipes to sing with), BUT….
Their songwriting sucked! At least, for me it did.
It was like watching large-sized weight lifters using phony weights.
“They’re strong enough to do the heavy lifting! Why don’t they do it?” I often wondered when I’d hear the more talented of certain metal guitarists turn their compositions into a mere “finger exercise” with a drum machine and a singer.
Only John Petrucci of Dream Theater and Liquid Tension really applies the principles that metal guitarists should be using. Amazing guitarist, he is.
But the so-called metal guitarists that started the genre, the repertoire they’ve chosen are all lame by comparison.
For example, if you took “Eruption” and “Spanish Fly” out of the Van Halen catalog, there would be absolutely nothing (zero) for me to listen to, since those were the only two songs I liked from them—and guess what, “Spanish Fly” is pretty much Eddie by himself, and so, is “Eruption” with the minor exception of the bass and drums used for accents, but no singing.
They’re not “Van Halen” songs, they’re Eddie tunes.
Eddie was awesome with technique, but, sucked at song writing.
The same with Iron Maiden and all the other 70’s metal bands.
In fact, I think most bands were a step down from Maiden—Motorhead, Judas Priest…
I’m not even going to waste any time on researching band names from that genre.
Suffice it to say that I just had no use for that music either.
[D] Official 1980’s
The bands that disappointed me to no end were :
U2—at the VERY TOP of the list; Bon Jovi; Motley Crue; Guns and Roses ; Duran Duran; Elvis Costello; The Talking Heads; The Dead Kennedys; Prince; Madonna; Michael Jackson; Depeche Mode; The Cure; Tears For Fears; Cindi Lauper; REM; Poison; Run DMC; The Eurythmics; Whitesnake; Culture Club; Wham; George Michaels; Inx; The Bangels; Pet Shop Boys; Ratt; New Order; Joy Division; Hall & Oates; The Beastie Boys; Dokken; The Human League; Simple Minds; John Cougar Mellancamp; The Boys; The Bees; ….
You’re probably thinking, “You might as well not even turn the radio on.”
Exactly!
And I didn’t.
Time to put on LPs and cassette tapes—CD’s were still kind of new, and most releases were for newer music—one was way more likely to find a CD of Prince or Madonna, then a reissue of, say, Deep Purple’s “Machine Head”.
So, CD’s were NOT a priority for me and my library until they started issuing GOOD music.
[E] THE ABSOLUTE WORST of 80’s Music
[F] THE COSTUME BAND
By the “costume” band, I’m referring to a band that many people liked—Kiss.
There’s no need for any in-depth elaboration except the two-fold statement that ; [1] their catalog of music was so unremarkable; and [2] the super-silly costumes failed to conceal that fact.
I would’ve been embarrassed to don the costumes, and the music didn’t move me in the slightest.
So, not interested in anything they did, either.
V. Invasion of The Body Snatchers—Even Some 70’s Bands Got Infected with The 80’s Disease
If I was to say that I WILL play music from the bands of the 70’s. I’m referring to the songs they played in the 70’s, and not the absolute garbage they recorded in the 80’s.
[1] ZZ Top went :
—FROM “Lagrange“, “Jesus Just Left Chicago”, and “Just Got Paid“;
—TO “She’s Got Legs“, “Tube Snake Boogie“, and “Sharp-Dressed Man“;
It’s NOT the “same” music—something changed, and NOT for the better.
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
[2] REO Speedwagon went :
—FROM “Ridin’ The Storm Out“, “Keep Pushin” and “Golden Country“
—TO “Heard It From a Friend“
It’s NOT the “same” music—something changed, and NOT for the better.
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
[3] Styx went :
—FROM “Equinox“, “Grand Illusion“, and “Pieces of Eight“
—TO “Mr . Roboto“/”Paradise Theater“
It’s NOT the “same” music—something changed, and NOT for the better.
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
[4] Chicago went :
—FROM “I’m a Man” , “25 Or 6 To 4“, and “Beginnings“
—TO “It’s Hard To say I’m Sorry“
It’s NOT the “same” music—something changed, and NOT for the better.
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
[5] Yes went :
—FROM “Long Distance Runaround” , “I’ve Seen All Good people“
—TO “Owner of a Lonely Heart“
It’s NOT the “same” music—something changed, and NOT for the better.
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
[6] Steve Miller went :
—FROM “Fly Like An Eagle“, and “Wild Mountain Honey“
—TO “Abracadabra“
It’s NOT the “same” music—something changed, and NOT for the better.
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
[7] Heart went :
—FROM “Sing Child” and “Crazy on You” and “Dog and Butterfly“
—TO “These Dreams“
It’s NOT the “same” music—something changed, and NOT for the better.
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
[8] Pink Floyd went :
—FROM “Meddle“, “Dark Side Of The Moon“, Wish You Were Here” and “Animals“,
—TO “The Wall” and “Momentary Lapse of Reason“—(“The Wall” actually was released in the 70’s, but it was OBVIOUS Waters was trying to capture a sound that would appeal to those embracing the new sound of the “80’s” music that was on the horizon—and I preferred the cuts that were heavily influenced by either Gilmour’s vocals, or Gilmour’s guitar work—I thought Waters’ vocals were horrible—I hate the way he sings —plus, neither [a] Roger without the other three, or [b] the other three without Roger, worked. They all needed each other to make it work. They all sucked when they were no longer together);
It’s NOT the “same” music—something changed, and NOT for the better.
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
[9] Todd Rundgren went :
—FROM “Hello It’s Me“,
—TO “Bang on the Drums All Day!”
It’s NOT the “same” music—something changed, and NOT for the better.
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
[10] Journey went :
—FROM : “Lights“, “Wheel In The Sky“, and “Winds of March“
—TO : “Any Way You Want It“, “Don’t Stop Believin’ “
It’s NOT the “same” music—something changed, and NOT for the better.
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
[11] John Fogerty (of CCR) went :
—FROM “Up and Around the Bend“, “Who’ll Stop The Rain“
—TO “Centerfield“
It’s NOT the “same” music—something changed, and NOT for the better.
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
[12] Sammy Hagar (Montrose) went :
—FROM “Bad Motor Scooter“, “Good Rockin’ Tonight“, and “Space Station #5“,
—TO “Van Halen / Van Hagar” stuff, and “I Can’t Drive 55“!
It’s NOT the “same” music—something changed, and NOT for the better.
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
Even on the lighter side of rock, people like
[13] Elton John went :
—FROM “Rocket Man“, “Madman Across The Water“, and “Tiny Dancer“
—TO : “I Guess that’s why they call it the blues“, “I’m still Standin’“
It’s NOT the “same” music—something changed, and NOT for the better.
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
[14] Queen went :
—FROM “Bohemian Rhapsody“, “Killer Queen” and “39” (my fav’)
—TO “Another One Bites the Dust” and “A Crazy Little Thing Called Love“
It’s NOT the “same” music—something changed, and NOT for the better.
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
[15] Billy Joel went :
—FROM “Piano Man“, “She’s Always A Woman“
—TO “Uptown Girl” and “Tell Her About It“
It’s NOT the “same” music—something changed, and NOT for the better.
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
There’s a night-and-day level of difference between these two very-different eras of music, by the same bands, and it really blows my mind when I hear people say, ” I don’t hear the difference.”
“How can you not?” I think to myself as I compare their apparent inability to detect what I see as glaringly obvious differences, to a color-blind person not being able to see the difference between fluorescent orange and dark gray, in a “how-can-you-not-see-the-difference?” mindset of shock!
But, somehow, they don’t. One could metaphorically “rewind the tape” several times, and they’ll still say, “Nah. I don’t hear the difference.”
“How is that possible?” I’ll always wonder.
V. NO GUITAR-ONLY GARAGE BANDS
Lastly, this final group is not 80’s music , per se, but it does have the very unpleasant attribute of being a “guitar-only” band—no keyboards; no sax; no flute; no violin; no “nothing”, just guitar, bass, drums, and vocals.
For me, when it comes to guitar-only groups, I might as well be stuck in an elevator where someone just farted—my eyes are watering, and there’s no escape.
If I walk into a bar, and I see a band set up to play, and I see either :
[A] NO keyboards; and/or
[B] ONLY “electric” guitars, and NO acoustics—I’ll leave if I haven’t already paid a cover charge; I might still leave if it was only a small charge such as $5 , or whatever, but, $10, or more, would be kind of a waste of money to throw it away like that.
But if I see a band like THAT, I know I’m going to be assaulted with UNCREATIVE guitar-based THREE-Chord garage rock, and I find that VERY DEPRESSING.
I KNOW the set list is going to be something along the lines of : ZZ Top (“She’s Got Legs” ); Georgia Satellites (“Keep Your Hands To Yourself“); Tom Petty (“Don’t Do Me Like That“); Neil Young (“Rockin’ In The Free World“), Ted Nugent (“Cat Scratch Fever“); Stevie Ray Vaughn (“Pride and Joy“), Dire Straits (“Sultans of Swing“); Doobie Brothers (“China Grove“); Mountain ( “Mississippi Queen“); Black Sabbath (“Iron Man“), AC/DC (“Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap“); Aerosmith (“Walk This Way“) ….
I could NOT sit through THAT set list.
I KNOW I’M NOT going to hear :
Pink Floyd (“Us and Them/Any Colour You Like“—needs Keyboards and Sax, and I don’t see any on stage); Led Zeppelin (“Battle of Evermore“—needs mandolin, and I don’t see THAT on stage, either; or “No Quarter“—needs keyboards ); Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young (“Deja Vu“, or “Suite Judy Blue Eyes“—Needs acoustics AND THREE-part Harmonies); Styx (“Castle Walls“—Needs KEYBOARDS), Kansas (“Magnum Opus“—needs VIOLIN and KEYBOARDS); Alan Parsons (“I Robot“—DEFINITELY NEEDS KEYBOARDS); The Who (“Baba O’Riley“—NEEDS KEYBOARDS AND VIOLIN); Steely Dan (“Aja“—needs HORNS, KEYBOARDS, and TALENT )…
NOT gonna happen with a guitar-only band.
Well, you get the idea, with JUST guitars, NONE of those songs are likely to be played. And I can’t stomach guitar-only music for more than a few songs at a time; then I need my fix of keyboards, violins, saxes, flutes, mandolins, banjos, and pretty much all other instruments.
VI. Conclusion
So, that’s my “allergy” list : I’m allergic to those songs and genres that I just can’t stand.
No 80’s music, and no guitar-only garbage, I mean garage bands.
I can’t “apologize” for not liking something that is arguably inferior in quality.
So, bring on the keyboards, the acoustic guitars, and the saxes, and let’s see where that takes us.