TABLE OF CONTENTS
I. The Confirmation I NEVER Expected…But Was Glad TO Hear!
II. 70’s Standards Dropped
III. The Four Must-Haves!
—–A. “ALL” available keyboards sounds
———-1. TWO Ricks : Perfect Examples : Rick Wright & Rick Wakeman
———-2. The Exact Opposite
—————a. Piano-Only Players
—————b. Organ-Only Players
—————c. Synth-Only Players
—–B. They Have BOTH Guitars : Acoustic AND Electric—NOT Just One or the Other
———-1. Acoustics & The “Stays Acoustic Principle”
———-2. Electric Guitars & Effects
—–C. Great Lyrics & Vocals
———-[1] GOOD LYRICS—The Stories of : [i] Bernie Taupin/Elton John; and [ii] Neil Peart/Geddy Lee.
———-[2] GOOD VOCALS—Sing, Don’t Whisper, or Scream!
—————a. FOUR “ABSOLUTELY NOTS”
——————–[i] Lou Reed
——————–[ii] Ian Drury and the Blockheads
——————–[iii] ALL Rap—NOT ONE SYLLABLE
——————–[iv] Metal Harmonizered Tracks
—————b. STRONG, “DIAPHRAGMIC” VOCALS
——————–[i] Ian Gillan (Deep Purple )
——————–[ii] Burton Cummings ( The Guess Who )
——————–[iii]Ronnie James Dio (Rainbow ONLY)
IV. Conclusion
I. The CONFIRMATION…I Never Expected But Was Glad To Hear!
If it wasn’t for YouTube, I would have NEVER WITNESSED with my own two eyes and ears, that some of my PERSONAL HEROES in the realm of guitarists, had basically the SAME OPINION about 80’s music that I’ve had since the very day that “mu-sick” started getting played on radio stations in 1978.
In one interview, Jeff Beck was asked a question about some of the bands of the 1980’s, and his answer was , “Well, I’ve always been a bit derogatory about eighties music…“
My jaw dropped!
“Wow! Did he actually say that? Really?” I thought with relief that it “wasn’t just my imagination”, or some isolated case of simple bias on my part against an art form.
I also heard Steve Morse (Dregs / Deep Purple) call it “shit music“.
“Woo hoo! Another one! Wow! I’m NOT alone in my disgust toward 80’s music.” I thought rejoicingly. “I’m on a roll here!”
Then I heard Ritchie Blackmore say about punk, specifically, (but he didn’t elaborate on “new wave” or any of the other genres of that era) : “I don’t get it.”
Blackmore also mentioned that he was talking to Ian Anderson (Jethro Tull) and that he agreed (although I didn’t actually hear Ian say those words—but based on the music that Ian wrote, which is TOTALLY lacking in “punk” style, I can see that Ian never had any tendencies toward writing that style of…”music”; so, I’m betting Blackmore wasn’t lying; why would he?).
But that was FOUR heroes of mine, that confirmed my suspicions.
For me, there was something that PRE-80’s music had, that 80’s music not only did NOT have, but almost overtly fought against enthusiastically.
What were those missing elements, that the new fad bands were treating like a “leper” ?
II. 70’s Standards Dropped
Well, TWO bands SET THE STANDARD for me at that time:
[1] Led Zeppelin—with their FOUR albums: [a] II; [b] III, [c] IV; and [d] “Physical Graffitti“; and
[2] Pink Floyd—with their FOUR albums : [a] “Meddle“; [b] “Dark Side Of The Moon“; [c] “Wish You Were Here“; and [d] “Animals“.
NO, it wasn’t the “compositions”, per se, (although I did LOVE them—that goes without saying) but RATHER…
III. The FOUR “Must Haves”
Specifically, on all those albums there are FOUR ABSOLUTELY MUST-HAVES!
For me, when it comes to these standards, there can be NO NEGOTIATION at ANY time, for ANY reason, under ANY circumstance —even an UN-plugged act has PIANO, so, NO EXCUSE to not have “keyboards”—I’ve heard people try to use the “unplugged” concept as an pseudo-justification for NOT having a keyboard player.
No piano player? No show!
Anyway, the FOUR must haves are :
[A] they use “ALL” available keyboards sounds;
[B] they have BOTH guitars—acoustic AND (NOT “or”) electric;
[C] they have good VOCALS ; and
[D] They have good LYRICS
It’s not only entirely possible to have :
—[1] a good singer who sings shitty lyrics—since there is an OVER-abundance of those singers out there; but also
—[2] to have a a good lyricist who CAN’T Sing very well–they’re out there, as well.
To be able to do one but not the other is JUST AS BAD as NOT being able to do either. I don’t want to work with either one.
I NEED BOTH —good voice and good lyrics—otherwise I’m not going to show up for rehearsals, much less an actual public gig.
If ANY of those FOUR elements are missing, it’s an automatic deal-breaker right there, because I’m not interested in being bored to death for two to four hours per rehearsal or gig.
A. “ALL” available keyboards sounds
There are THREE “families” of keyboard timbres that I insist on : [a] Pianos; [b] Organs; and [c] Synths / Mellotrons.
Pretty much ALL of today’s workstations (e.g., Roland® Fantom 8; Korg® Kronos) and those for that past 30 years, contain ALL THREE families of sounds.
The usual sequence in their Preset banks begins with acoustic pianos, then electric pianos, chromatic percussion, organs, orchestral sounds i (i.e., individual violins, violas, cellos, string sections, saxophones, trumpets, trombones, brass sections), then pads, then leads, then percussion, and then usually culminating with sound effects (e.g., wind; gun shot; guitar string squeak; etc).
Pick any normal sound and there’s an awesome chance that keyboard has that sound already in a patch, ready to go, or as an element that you can use to build and create your own sounds.
Everything, but the kitchen sink, is in that bank of sounds.
Ergo, there is NO NEED to buy MULTIPLE separate keyboards such as an acoustic piano; a Fender Rhodes; a Hammond B-3; and a Moog—essentially the better part of $20,000 in gear—not counting the Steinway!
Instead, ONLY ONE new $2,000 to $4,000 (or cheaper, if used) workstation and you’re good to go; and, if all those sounds are already in there, the tendency to NOT use as many as possible, is simply the keyboardist admitting that he or she ( albeit trained in technique ) is woefully lacking in creativity and imagination.
And there’s PLENTY of keyboardists like that. Not everyone can be virtuoso; some players are COMPLETELY AVERAGE.
And maybe creativity and imagination are NOT among a given player’s “priorities”; and that’s perfectly fine in the “eyes of God”, and very common indeed, but, to me, CREATIVITY and IMAGINATION are THE ONLY priorities—they trump technique, every single time.
In contrast, is the keyboardist who DOES use ALL the sounds because he IS creative enough to use them. That’s the keyboardist I want to jam with—I wish I could “build” my own “Rick Wright”
1. TWO Ricks : Perfect Examples : Rick Wright & Rick Wakeman
The Late, GREAT Rick Wright of Pink Floyd used ALL three in the span of just TWO songs : [1] “Us and Them”; and [2] “Any Colour You Like”, both of which are on “Dark Side of The Moon”.
On those two tracks, Rick BEGINS “Us and Them” with an organ that gets FADED in gradually; then, in the MIDDLE of that song, he plays an acoustic PIANO solo ( opposite a sax solo by Dick Perry); and, finally, going into “Any Colour You Like“, he uses a SYNTH for that solo.
ALL THREE in less than 10 minutes time.
I just can’t fathom how any keyboardist would “not want” that smorgasbord of timbres at his or her disposal to use.
But those types of “Nah-I’m-good-with-just-one-or-two-sounds” keyboardists are out there; in fact, they outnumber the creative ones to a discouraging degree.
I know, I’ve been looking for a creative one, for DECADES—and still no sign of one.
“Rick Wrights” are RARE!
Another “Rick” is Rick Wakeman of Yes. His song, “The Six Wives of King Henry VIII” used ALL the sounds in ONE song.
If I could play ONLY ONE song on the keyboards, THAT would be it!
Phenomenal composition!
2. The Exact Opposite :
***** a. Piano-Only Players *****
Most of them are geared toward either some form of blues or jazz or honky tonk or lounge music, ALL of which definitely have a place in a good set list, no doubt, but they can’t be the ONLY sounds in the ENTIRE set; that would be, timbre-wise, super monotonous.
To be sure, piano-only players are just as talented as any other player, in terms of mastery of their technique, and I’ve seen many of them play some breathtakingly awesome compositions, with some of the most awesome riffs. I’m NOT denying that at all.
But even a hundred AWESOME riffs played USING THE EXACT SAME SOUND for all of them, is just plain yuck to me! It doesn’t work for me. It’s almost OFFENSIVELY BORING!
There MUST be some VARIETY in the timbres—use acoustic pianos sounds on some songs, and maybe electric on others. Maybe throw some tremolo on an electric piano to get that “No Quarter” sound; maybe throw in a delay on yet another tune, to give it some kind of rhythmic vibe.
Can’t just use “one sound” from start to finish—and many piano-players are completely fine with that limitation; I can NOT get inspired by being boxed in like that. I need to breathe!
***** b. Organ-Only Players *****
I have not encountered very many of these, but EVERY SINGLE ONE of them was either [a] Strictly blues; [b] traditional Jazz; or [c] gospel.
Not one—NOT ONE!—thought like Jon Lord (Deep Purple), for example, in the sense of piping their Hammond B3 into a Marshall® 100-watt head, for that “Machine Head” or “Made in Japan” sound.
They were ALL WAY TOO STAID and reserved in their attitude. There were ZERO ROCKERS! NONE!
Not interested, thanks.
***** c. Synth-Only Players *****
These are the WORST, since they either CAN’T or WON’T play any blues or jazz, when the Blues Scale is at the heart of at least a third of the set list I want to play.
These guys are “synth pop” types—and 80’s music is at the heart of THEIR art form.
Remove the 80’s element, and they’re dead in the water, because you just tore up their entire set list.
Telling them, “No 80’s” is like telling B. B. King, “No Blues”—it’s just not going to work without that KEY ELEMENT of the music.
So, ALL three timbre families (pianos, organs, and synths) ABSOLUTELY MUST be used in the music, otherwise, it’s not going to work for me.
B. They Have BOTH Guitars : Acoustic AND Electric (NOT Just One or the Other)
I have no official statistics to base this on, just a personal observation that MORE THAN 90 percent of garage bands do NOT have BOTH in their equipment list.
Some bands might start out with just an acoustic, and they make their way up to incorporating an electric guitar into their arsenal; but those, that start with an ELECTRIC, frequently do NOT add an acoustic to the mix later on. They started as ALL Electric, and they stay all electric.
Yuck! NO Thanks.
The ONLY TWO bands I dig that are electric only are King Crimson and Deep Purple.
All the others are just 3-chord (I-III-IV, for metalheads; I-IV-V, for blues, rock and country fans; Im-VII-VI for Pop bands), garage bands, and that sucks both ass cheeks.
I don’t want any part of those bands.
As previously mentioned, Led Zeppelin and Pink Floyd are BOTH known for producing albums that have BOTH acoustic and electric—and I will accept NOTHING LESS!
1. Acoustics & The “Stays Acoustic Principle”
Merely having an acoustic guitar in your arsenal, is NOT, in and of itself, some kind of an “achievement” in music, any more than having a spoon in your utensil drawer in the kitchen is an achievement in the “culinary sciences”—acoustic guitars, like spoons, are merely inanimate objects that have ZERO value …UNLESS you know how and when to use them, and how NOT to use them.
For instance, one thing that I’ve noticed metal bands are known for, is that most of them ( that have enough class to incorporate acoustic guitars into their compositions ), have this disappointingly nasty habit of ENDING EVERY ACOUSTIC song with a “screaming” electric guitar solo…almost never fails.
In contrast, would be Zeppelin’s “Going To California” or “Battle Of Evermore” BOTH of which STAY ACOUSTIC all the way through to the end!–there’s no “Stairway to Heaven” guitar solo at the coda.
To be sure, “Stairway To Heaven” DOES end with an awesome electric guitar finish, but the other two songs DO NOT follow suit—they STAY ACOUSTIC to the END!
Metalheads frequently have difficulty resisting the urge to “electrify” EVERY ENDING. Yuck!
I absolutely HATE THAT APPROACH!
MIX IT UP!
2. Electric Guitars & Effects
Because he’s a hunter, and OPENLY DEFENDS the SECOND AMENDMENT, I really like Ted Nugent’s attitude toward THAT stuff, but guns aren’t music or albums, which Ted also has been producing for decades.
But Ted’s MUSIC? Eh.
Don’t get me wrong, I grew up on his debut album with “Stranglehold“, “Motor City Madhouse“, “Just What The Doctor Ordered“, and “Storm Troopers“, and I have that album, and I LOVE that album—as far as Garage rock is concerned, it was a masterpiece. BUT….
AFTER that album? Nah. If you heard the FIRST album; you’re heard them all.
And that’s the problem, with a guitar that uses the SAME SOUND on EVERY SONG! It’s a MONOTONE that never changes.
That’s what I’m trying to avoid.
On the back of his debut album, in the liner notes, Ted mentions something along the lines that he does NOT use “any toys to mess up the signal”.
Well, those toys are what gives the guitar DIFFERENT sounds, for DIFFERENT songs with DIFFERENT moods.
Not “all” songs ( with an ELECTRIC guitar as the main instrument) have to be processed with as much distortion or overdrive or fuzz as possible., as though it was a death metal band.
Some songs call for a CLEAN guitar sound; others, with chorus, or flanger or , delay.
NOT “just” clean versus distortion—or worse yet, “only distortion”; THAT would definitely suck.
C. Great Lyrics & Vocals
What you sing and how you sing it are two completely separate concepts, since one can be either :
[a] a good lyricist who sucks at singing; or
[b] a good singer who can’t write decent lyrics.
Both types of people exist.
[1] GOOD LYRICS—The Stories of : [i] Bernie Taupin/Elton John; and [ii] Neil Peart/Geddy Lee.
For me, the ABSOLUTE WORST LYRICS OF ALL TIME! are :
[A]”Yeah, yeah, yeah, baby, baby, baby, come on, come on, come on, and rock me all night long”, or
[B] “Girl, you’re so fine.”
There oughtta be a law against writing lyrics THAT SHITTY!.
I hate that crap! I really do.
Although a given singer might be awesome in singing quality, those LYRICS take ZERO TALENT to write; so, to me, a “great voice singing shitty lyrics” is a joke—and there’s PLENTY of them out there doing just that.
If a singer is good at singing but not at writing lyrics, or vice versa, what’s the point?
The TWO exceptions I can think of where a person did not have both talents but was still OK, was EARLY 70’s Elton John, because he had a GIFTED person writing his lyrics : Bernie Taupin.
Take Bernie out of the picture, and Elton John sucked, big time.
The other band ? Rush.
Geddy had pipes to sing with, but WELL-READ Neil provided the LYRICS
I’ve actually boycotted one music-oriented magazine that I never bought in the first place, but I never had anything against it, either, per se, except that it never included any scores or tabs of songs like other magazines such as “Guitar World” or “Acoustic Guitarist” do.
This magazine didn’t : “Revolver”.
So, I never had any use for the magazine to begin with, but when I saw a particular article, I knew I’d NEVER dirty my fingers touching the magazine again.
The article ? Something along the lines of “Worst Lyricists of all time.”
Being intrigued, I grabbed the “ragazine” off the rack, opened it to the featured article, and one of the FIRST names mentioned, was Neil Peart’s.
“Seriously?” I thought to myself. “This weirdo probably had a Flock of Seagulls haircut and thought eighties music was “quality” writing.
Shaking my head at this person’s questionable assessments, I placed the magazine back in the rack with the very tips of my fingers, and, since this was pre-Covid, there was no bottle of hand sanitizer anywhere nearby for me to cleanse my hands of the contamination that is Revolver magazine.
But I made up for it when I got home by washing my hands thoroughly not for 20 seconds, but for 20 MINUTES—I didn’t want to take ANY CHANCES!
I can still almost smell the “sewage leak” that was emitted from opening that magazine’s pages. Gives me the creeps just thinking about it.
[2] GOOD VOCALS—SING, DON’T WHISPER, or SCREAM!
I’ve seen more than one ad in the musicians’ classifieds where a band is looking for a vocalist, and one of the most common “no’s” they list is “no screamers”.
On the one hand, I can relate to where they’re coming from if they’re trying to avoid a Motorhead-type, “Lemmy” singer, whose singing sounds like it’s VERY FORCED, and the veins in the singer’s bright red forehead are enlarged because the blood supply is maximized during the singer’s near-heart attack performance.
Unfortunately, the bands that usually stipulate their aversion to screamers, are usually alt-rock type bands where the singer BARELY sings.
What might be happening there, is the band is trying to replace their previous singer—who couldn’t sing, in the first place.
So, they’re trying to replace him with another singer who is VERY WEAK in the vocals department.
A WEAK singer is the goal. Why someone would want that, is beyond me.
***** a. FOUR “ABSOLUTELY NOTS” *****
[i] Lou Reed
One song where I found the singer’s vocals to be VERY UNpleasant was Lou Reed on “Take a Walk On The Wild Side” where he just “talks UN-energetically” while reciting the lyrics.
THAT type of singing just creeps me out.
I can only think of a few songs where the vocalist is “talking” and NOT singing, and it didn’t bother me.
Among them would be Commander Cody’s, “Hot Rod Lincoln” which is an AWESOME STORY to “recite”; and Charlie Daniels’ “Uneasy Rider”.
There might be others of that same genre that I’ve not yet heard, that I would otherwise like if I did encountered them.
But outside of those few possibilities, I’m NOT into a quiet, staid vocal track. Weak singers SUCK! Yuck!
[ii] Ian Drury and the Blockheads
Another one is Ian Drury and the Blockheads, “Sex and Drugs and Rock and Roll”. Although I really dig the phrase, itself, the way the band delivers the message is just downright UGLY!
Eh! Yuck! I absolutely hate that type of singing; it’s only one notch above Lou Reed’s singing—and, believe me, that minor elevation in status does ABSOLUTELY NOTHING for raising that singing out of the hell it belongs in—Ian just gets to stand on Lou’s back; but it’s still VERY MUCH in hell, as far as I’m concerned.
[iii] ALL Rap—NOT ONE SYLLABLE
I’m not sure any elaboration is even necessary to explain my aversion to this “crap”—which, interestingly, rhymes with rap.
Yuck!
[iv] Metal Harmonizered Tracks
Although I’m not fully-informed on the subject of the Eventide Harmonizer, I’ve been told by a few people that metal bands love to use the harmonizer to “robotize” the vocal tracks, in a manner sounding similar to Black Sabbath’s “Iron Man” (the “I am Iron Man”) part of the song.
I wasn’t wasn’t very big on that effect even when Sabbath used it; and I was even LESS interested when other bands tried doing the same thing—especially since, when Ozzy did it, it was only for the introduction to the song. and NOT the WHOLE song, which many metal bands have done. Yuck!
A friend of mine, Jeff, was in a metal band, and he let me listen to one of their tracks with the Harmonizer effect in full “robot” mode. What’s funny, is that Jeff was a short guy, like myself—5’5″—and, from his height, you’d get the idea that he sang in the upper ranges like Frankie Valli, but after listening to the harmonizered vocal track, you get the image in your head that he’s ten feet tall, and sounds like the devil, himself.
How deceptive of that device to portray someone’s “talent” as LARGER than it really is.
Another metal guitarist that I worked with, frequently had his band’s demo tape playing over his Bluetooth at his work station, and many, if not most, of the songs contained harmonizered vocal tracks.
Yuck! It’s unpleasant to hear one track; annoying to hear two; unbearable to hear three or more.
Sorry, so NO whispered “Lou Reed” tracks; NO punkified “Ian Drury” tracks; No “rap” tracks; and NO “metalized/harmonizered” vocal tracks—NOT on any stage I’m playing on.
* b. STRONG, “DIAPHRAGMIC” VOCALS *
On the other hand, although I’m not into Lemmy screamers, STRONG vocals are an ABSOLUTE MUST.
A WELL-PLACED shout here and there CAN serve to be very entertaining—just “screaming from start to finish” is a TERRIBLE recipe for music, as far as I’m concerned.
[i] Ian Gillan ( Deep Purple )
One vocalist who had INCREDIBLE RANGE was Ian Gillan of Deep Purple. When I heard him on their studio album, “Machine Head”, I was impressed enough, but when I heard him on their live album, “Made In Japan”, THAT RECORDING “SET IN CONCRETE” what I expected from a vocalist.
For example, Ian opens up “Strange Kind of Woman” with a screamed “Al-right!”, and guitarist Ritchie Blackmore, does his opening riff, and the song just unfolds with such smoothness, and rolls into this IMPROV’D noodling between Ritchie and Ian, toward the end of the song.
Whatever Ritchie plays, Ian copies with his voice, and vice versa.
Just an awesome performance! In fact, the WHOLE album is a FIVE star performance…on a FOUR-star scale!
[ii] Burton Cummings ( The Guess Who )
This guy, too! Wow! I just loved his singing. 98 percent was singing, but he, too, was known for well-placed shouts and screams—and he could also sing , softly without it being a “weak” whisper.
[iii] Ronnie James Dio ( Rainbow ONLY )
I wrote “Rainbow ONLY” because although his singing didn’t change when he went solo, the quality of his compositions SUFFERED GREATLY.
For me his solo “Holy Diver” stuff just didn’t compare (even remotely) to what he did with Ritchie Blackmore in the band Rainbow ( The three albums that set another standard for me were : “Long Live Rock And Roll”, “Rainbow Rising”, and “Ritchie Blackmore’s Rainbow”).
Although I will always be mesmerized by his vocal abilities, I lost all respect for his tastes in music, when, during one interview on YouTube, he held up a copy of “Rainbow Rising” and called it something along the lines of “self-indulgent crap”, and since THAT album is one of my ALL-time favorite albums, NOT liking it, strikes me as an assessment I could not relate to in the slightest.
To think that “Holy Diver” was better music than “Rainbow Rising”, took a lot of the shine off for me when it came to evaluating Ronnie James Dio as a song WRITER—he was still an awesome singer!
IV. Conclusion
So, that’s it. Those are my MINIMUM standards for being in a band.
I know, nowadays, having minimum standards is tantamount to “discrimination” (LOL—what a joke that mindset is).
But, having NO keyboards? ONLY one guitar sound? “Come-on-Baby-and-Rock-me-all-night-long” type of lyrics? Constantly whispering or screaming vocals?
Where’s the fire exit? I have to escape that nightmare!